There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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