He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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