I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
