It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
