Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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