thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
