I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize