I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
