someone threw a dead crab at me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
