Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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