maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
