Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
