Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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