i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
