I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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