fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
