You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
