Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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