Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
