that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
