She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
