I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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