conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
and you fell through a lawn chair
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He has the fingertips of a God
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