Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
