I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
