Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize