yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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