What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
