OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize