I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
