tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
