So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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