We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
