Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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