omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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