I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
