I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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