God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize