They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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