my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
