So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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