I can text with my tongue
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Are we still banned from the library?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
