I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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