Soap is not a condiment
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
