6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
