Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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