don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
