hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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