it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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