The maid of honor just puked.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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