The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
try to milk me bitch
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