I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
