Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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