I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
