I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I enjoy the company of your penis
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
