I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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