can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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