someone threw a dead crab at me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
