he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize