I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
