also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
