I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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