take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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