My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think I am morally bankrupt
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
