Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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