I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
