Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize