You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
