mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
