...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
