I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
