Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize