shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
