Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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